


Speed Dating Isn't For Time Lords

by PharaohKatt



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 06:21:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2458046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PharaohKatt/pseuds/PharaohKatt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Verity! Podcast episode 55 "Murder - Death - Kill The Moon". Clara has left the TARDIS and The Doctor is in search of a new companion to join him on his trips. But what happens when everyone keeps turning him down?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speed Dating Isn't For Time Lords

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Verity! Podcast for giving me this idea :)
> 
> [Link to Verity! Podcast](http://veritypodcast.wordpress.com/)   
>  [Link to the episode](http://veritypodcast.wordpress.com/2014/10/08/verity-episode-55-murder-death-kill-the-moon/)

The Doctor didn't know how he knew, just that he knew. It was three months since Clara left to spend more time with her soldier boyfriend. It was time to put her behind him and find someone new to take on adventures. And now, he had.

This was a man worthy of joining him in the TARDIS. At least, he would be, if they could ever find a way out of this kitchen. He was currently trapped inside a cupboard, squished next to a shelf full of onions, while Vogons commandeered the rest of the vessel. They had infiltrated the kitchens of _The Sleeping Serpent_ , an Earth holiday ship which just happened to have the current President on it. 

The man, a cook named Ennis, had taken stock of the situation immediately, realised The Doctor was the only one capable of getting everyone out alive, and pulled him into the cupboard for safety. They waited until the sounds died down, the Vogon fleet commander stepping out of the kitchen and towards the buffet hall where the president was dining. The Doctor opened the door cautiously and peered outside.

"Is it safe?" asked Ennis. 

"Of course not, there's a Vogon fleet commander on board, why would it be safe?" The Doctor replied.

"I meant, can we come out of the cupboard now? Not that I don't mind being in there with you, but I don't much care for the smell of old vegetables."

"In that case, yes, fine, it's safe. Now shut up, I'm trying to think."

He knows that he'll have to get to the buffet hall without being seen, but no idea of the layout of the ship. "You, you're a cook. That means you must know all the  corridors and tunnels of this place."

"Yeah, I guess. There's not much in the way of secret passages to the buffet hall, if that's what you're getting at."

"Well, what about air ducts, ventilation?"

"Sure, can you fit into a one foot square cavity?"

"That might be a bit tight, yes. So how do we get to him to disable his delta ray?"

"Just go up to floor seven, section yellow, and head down through the garbage disposal," a woman said from behind them.

The Doctor blinked, startled to see a woman in her late fifties, casually sitting with a cup of tea. "Yes, thanks, now shut up I have work to do," he said, before grabbing Ennis by the hand and running off.

Later, once the Vogons were defeated, he took Ennis inside the TARDIS. Once he had gotten over the shock of a dimensionally transcendental space, Ennis laughed and gave The Doctor a slap on the back. 

"It's been fun, Doctor, despite everything." He sighed. "Will I ever see you again?"

The Doctor took Ennis's hand and pressed a key into it. "Even better. Come with me, let me show you the universe!"

Ennis studied the key, then shook his head and held it back out to The Doctor. "I don't think so. My husband will worry, and little Mandy is only three, I can't leave her without a dad. Thanks, Doctor, but I need to go home."

A month later, The Doctor still hadn't figured out why Ennis had said no. 

 

***

 

Earth, 2317, Surrey. She was a plucky lass, who had single handedly figured out how to defuse a quantum bomb that had been placed in a shopping centre. She was smart, funny, resourceful. This was clearly the person he was meant to take with him. They sat in a small cafe, while an older waitress delivered them tea and scones, extra jam.

"You know, I could use a lass like you. Keep your head cool, solve the problems. Why don't you come on my travels with me?"

The girl blinked at him, confused. It took her a full thirty seconds before she answered. "Are you kidding? You were utterly useless back there. The whole planet would be destroyed if your plan had worked. No thanks, I'll stay as far away from that as I possibly can." 

 

***

 

The Doctor watched as Bradley crawled through the shaft. He was the only one small enough to fit inside.

“I’m scared,” Bradley said. 

“Good, that’s good. You should be scared. If you don’t press that self destruct button, then the entire planet will be consumed by the Daleks.”

Bradley’s hands shook as he crawled, but he did not stop. “But, won’t we all be blown up, too?” he asked. 

“No, definitely not. I’m one hundred percent sure. Well, maybe ninety percent. Ok, eighty-five, but that’s still pretty good odds, don’t you think?”

Bradley gasped. “Doctor?”

“I’ve used the sonic to place a delay on the self destruct. It should give us enough time to get back to the TARDIS and off this ship.”

“I’m here, what do I do?”

“It’s a big blue button, you can’t miss it.”

“Done! Ok Doctor, I’m heading out.”

The Doctor pulled him up out of the shaft as soon as he was physically able. Without another word, he grabbed his hand and ran as fast as he could back to the TARDIS. He barely stopped to slam the doors shut before hitting a few controls and sending the TARDIS as far away fromt he exploding Dalek ship as possible. Only when he was sure they were safe did he take stock of the situation.

There were other prisoners there, too. Most were huddled in a corner, looking fearfully out at their saviour. One man was scowling angrily, as if it was somehow The Doctor’s fault that they ended up almost exterminated. There was a woman in the corner, knitting some form of blue scarf, who seemed oblivious to the direness of the situation. He ignored them all and turned his attention back to Bradley.

“You performed admirably today. Total bravery in the face of danger.”

“Do you really think so?”

“I know so. Come travelling with me, let me show you the wonders of…” He stopped. His face was suddenly hot and stinging, as if he’d been slapped. He had been slapped. Bradley’s mother stood in front of him, angry tears welling in her eyes.

“You have _got_ to be joking! You cannot be serious!”

“What are you talking about? I need a man like him around here to…” She slapped him again.

“He isn’t a man, he’s a child! He is seven years old and you nearly got him killed! As soon as we get off this ship I am taking him home and we will not be seeing you again.” With that, she grabbed his hand and pulled him as far away as she could without leaving the console rom entirely.

“So much for gratitude,” The Doctor muttered. 

 

***

 

He had almost lost hope of finding someone when he ran into Dana. She was smart, completely no-nonsense. She wasn’t at all scared of the ghost in the 18th century house, insisting that there must be a rational explanation. She was a scientist, after all. There was, of course. It was a man who had tried to teleport with some ancient tech, gotten caught out of phase. Just a quick fi with the sonic was all he needed to get back to his family. 

Dana told him that she had a son to think of, and couldn’t very well leave her research. The housekeeper had watched the entire exchange with a look of intense fascination. 

 

***

 

Carlos was also a scientist. The Doctor saved Carlos from a strange netherworld, an alternate dimension. Carlos had told him that, as a scientist, he had to get back to his very important science work. 

Gemma had travel sickness, and was afraid of space.

Paul was too busy finishing a PhD and not really interested, anyway. 

Sarah would much rather go travelling with that handsome Time Agent, and that handsome Time Agent was happy to oblige. 

Matt said “yes” before being incinerated. Turns out a pile of ash doesn’t make a very good travelling partner. 

 

***

 

I was over a year since Clara left, and still The Doctor could not find a suitable companion. 

“It’s not my fault that they all leave, or slap me, or die.”

“Maybe if you were a bit more careful, and didn’t keep putting people in danger, they’d stay.”

“But danger is half the fun! Who wants to travel the universe without a little danger?”

“Obviously all of the people who turned you down. “

He was talking to himself now, that was a bad sign. He pointed to a nearby waitress. “You there, sit down. I’ll look less crazy if I’m talking to another person.”

She sat, and raised her eyebrows at him quizzically. 

“No, no, shut up, just shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“It was your face. It was laughing at me. You think I’m crazy.”

“Yes, well, if you spend a year travelling the galaxy alone and then come in here and talk to yourself for an hour, I think it’s understandable that you’re seen as crazy.”

“No, no, it’s just… Wait a minute. How do you know that I’ve been travelling the universe?”

She held up her wrist. “Vortex manipulator. Got it for my birthday. For some reason you seem to be around wherever and whenever I land.”

He finally looked at her. Her keen eyes, her grey hair, the blue scarf around her neck. “You were in the kitchens of that cruiser, you were drinking tea.”

“Yes.”

“And, then, you were at a restaurant. You served me extra jam.”

“You looked like you needed it.”

“And in the TARDIS! You were _knitting_!”

“You can’t expect me to just sit out all the fun and not find a way to occupy myself.”

“But, how? Why?”

“I told you, I got a vortex manipulator for my birthday.” She held up her wrist again.

“So you’ve travelled the galaxy to work in bars and kitchens and coffee shops?”

“Of course, what better way to get to know the local area!”

He grabbed her wrist and scanned the vortex manipulator with his sonic. “It looks like it got locked onto the TARDIS’s energy signature, some how. Wherever she goes, you go.”

“Oh good, for a while there I thought you might be following me around.”

“What is your name?” he asked. 

“Judith Denisc, but you can call me Judi.”

“Well then, Judi. What would you say to having a companion on your travels? You could join me in the TARDIS.”

She smiled. “I thought you’d never ask.”


End file.
